The Unknown Poet

Here is our generation's most popular piece of folk poetry:

Its author goes entirely uncelebrated.

Most are too put off by the scatological content of the poem to note its theme. Environmental conscience drives its simple verse; it's really all about conserving water.

But I'd rather waste a little water than have my whole apartment smell like pee.

Don't Mess With It

This is what happened to the kid who played with power lines:

See that bike? It was the kid's.

He shouldn't have played with that power line.

Angel

Apparently this is an angel:

I am in no way intimidated.

I would not feel safe if this angel were guarding me.

It looks like it has brain damage. Note the eyes.

I wonder if it gets picked on. I got picked on.

Through the Eyes of a Fatty

This is what a fatty sees after he does his damage:

He feels a mixture of pride and regret. This is called indigestion.

He feels pride for having eaten so much.

He feels regret that there was nothing to put mayonnaise on.

After the sun went out

People wanted a replacement.

They soon found it.

A sunless tropical scene:

The amber glow gives it a very authentic look.

Mayonnaise

This is the most honest thing I have ever seen:

Just a bottle filled with mayonnaise. There is no need for a label; people know what they're signing on for.

It's even iced. If it only had a rubber nipple on the end.

Like a giant, iced teat for adults to suckle.

Children could suckle it, too. Fat children.

Popcorn

My ceiling is called a popcorn ceiling. This is what it looks like:

This is what actual popcorn looks like:

I do not think that my popcorn ceiling looks like actual popcorn. I doubt that I am alone here.

Corn undergoes extraordinary torture to become popcorn.

Peaceful kernels of corn are shot with blistering heat and radiation. Their guts explode in fluffy carnage.

Here's a before and after photo: